My Mom

On March 1, 2013 my mom went to heaven to be with her Lord and Savoir Jesus Christ.  She fought a hard and courageous battle with cancer for 14 years, and I miss her dearly.  My mom loved deeply, prayed hard, and laughed loudly.  Most people probably didn't know how hard her battle truly was, and she wanted it that way.  I didn't write about it on here for that reason.  Even as I'm writing, I'm not sure how much to share.  I want to honor her, but also this is real life for our family.  Although we have had some great times and wonderful memories, my mom is not here and we, of course, are still trying to heal.  When I go back and read this blog, I want it to be a picture of who we are in good times and in bad, in smiles and in tears.  We are not a perfect family and we don't always have everything together and many times I only hit the highlights on the blog because "behind the scenes" we were hurting, yet it was my mom's battle and I wasn't free to share.  At my Bible study this spring, I asked my group to pray with me that God chooses to give me even a glimpse of what is doing and teaching me through this season of sadness and pain.  I know that God does not promise to give us the reasons behind our suffering on this side of heaven but I am praying that he does.  Our teaching leader at BSF said, "don't waste your suffering" in a lecture this spring.  It was in reference to Joseph and the suffering he went through to ultimately fulfill God's plan for His chosen people.  It stuck out to me because I don't want to waste this time.  There are days I want to pull the covers over my head and cry, and I have done that, but I also want to God to use me through this as I heal.  I know the healing process will be long and to be honest, I am a very emotional person, and I am learning that it is okay.  There is definitely a big whole in my heart and life is different without my mom in it, but I am adjusting to this new normal.  I am thankful that my mom is healed and free from the pain she suffered in this earthly life.

These are the last pictures we have of my mom: